Egyptian Vendor

Trying to find an Egyptian Vendor in the city . . . .Not so Easy.

The International Project:
Cheryl, Andrew, and Mike

My Final Project Proposal:

An Airplane, A message, lonesome senders

An airplane sends a message.

Survival in the City

This is my survival in the city assignment. It is a portable toilet. It comes in a pack, which when opened, then acts like a drape, so going to the bathroom is much easier in the city. The toilet itself is fold out and including and hopefully provided by the government would be santitation bags that can be thrown in any trash can and hand santitizer packets. The bags are of a thicker clear plastic type pack. I believe the government would possibly provide these because it would cut down on sanitation costs that usually go to hire men to clean up feces, etc, especially in the subways.

Trying to Send a Message

This airplane wants to say Happy Halloween to anyone who recieves it. Myself and my friend Nick attempt to mobolize our Halloween message in the city. We were lonely and had no friends and we needed to try to connect, somehow to the outside world on Halloween.

Put yourself in a Place?

This assignment has been extremely hard for me. I originally wanted to do a video to express myself and then I wanted to take photographs, but the equipment rentals didn't work. I then went to create an Illustrator drawing and it didn't satisfy me (a picture of a city street being flooded with colored water. I actually became angry with it and just xed out of the program. This is odd for me to do, when I normally save everything, but it really did my feelings no justice. Nothing that I could think of seemed to be able to express me enough within a place.
So, I must write myself into a place I guess. I am not going to read over this for mistakes, so excuse spelling and grammar errors. So, I have thought over and over this. I have stressed over and over and this. How are you in a place? How are you not in a place? Is physically being in a place really "being in a place"? or must you be doing an act? How do I feel that I am in a place? DO others feel the same way? Are others struggling with this project as much as me? What are other people doing for this project? This should not be so hard. Why am I struggling with this? Do I even have anything to offer to a place? Is putting yourself in a place offering something to it? Why do I feel that putting yourself in a place constitutes offering and giving? Where did I get these ideas? Who tells me to constant push and offer?
Today, I realized that this has come from the way I grew up. These are my thoughts that I own, but did not know that I had. I feel like to be in a place I must offer something huge to it, some great contribution greater than what is already there and as much as I want to say no that is not me, it came from my mind so it's mine. I have figured out that my upbringing with influences of Catholicism and Lutheranism are speaking in some ways, give to others, give to god (the greater good), and then yourself. Also the perfectionism aspect in doing comes directly from my parents and step parents who feel to be a person you must do, you must create, you must innovate, you must be good, you must be better than good. But you must not ever think you are good, you are not good, only god is good, only god is perfect, but you must try to be like god, you must try to be perfect, you must give to others, you must contribute. You may lose sleep, weight, energy, friends, social aspects, certain activities, but if those things are not godly they must be gotten rid of. Facades will seem appealing, but you must regect having them, you must reject image, you have no image, you deserve no image, you are god's soldier to contribute and give, and you will be okay with that because it will give you pride. The afterlife will give you everything. Everything you don't deserve now you will get later. All of these thoughts have left me feeling like nothing. All of these thoughts have made me feel that I have nothing to contribute really. All of these thoughts have made me avoid social things I used to do. All of these things have made me feel that I am not a person. All of these things have made me quiet. All of these things have made me weak. All of these things are making me angry. All of these things are bringing tears to my eyes. All of these things that I believe a person should be , is not who I am. I have spent so much time feeling like a fraud. I am fearful that I am not a good person because I am not completely all of those beliefs and I don't feel I ever will be. I am afraid that I will not go to heaven. I am afraid that my family will not respect me if I am not that person, not that I am it's opposite, but I feel if I am not completely trying to be everything for god and others I will disappoint them greatly, but the truth is I cannot exist in this, I cannot have fun in this, I cannot speak in this, I cannot be in places I like, because I don't know what they are. I don't know who I am and I hate that. I am angry at these ideas, but I feel that I am wrong for feeling angry. This is why I love art and expression so much, because I am still in those pieces, I have allowed myself to stay as long as its "art". My feelings are in those pieces. Again, I am trying to fill the goal of this assignment put myself in a place, but I still haven't found anyway to do that. I don't think even putting art into a place would fill that for me. If I think of a way, a place, if I feel something, I will add it to this. If I figure something out, if I grow, if I eliminate, if I change my idea of putting myself in a place, I will post something, but until then, you, the reader, are with me, here in my thoughts, because that is the only place I can be.

Egyptian Vendor Collage

This is my collage of the Egyptian Vendor. I am sorry that it is not full and complete. It was meant to be a group project, with two others adding additions, but due to a mix up this was unable to be accomplished. This is what I would guess could be the 8 hour world of an Egyptian Vendor in the City of Philadelphia on a weekday.